Where Are All the Lonely People?
“…go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen.” Matthew 6:6
Loneliness is a world-wide epidemic, and it has touched every life on earth. Maybe not in the same way as others; for instance, I have not experienced the loneliness of divorce. I have not experienced the loneliness of losing a child. I have, though, in my life experienced the loneliness of depression and anxiety that collide at a crossroads. The reality is that every person, in some way, shape, or form, has experienced loneliness.
So what is it? How does it enter into our lives? Well, first, loneliness can come upon us through circumstances. I lost someone I care about, or something from somewhere has thrust me into this circumstance, like losing my job or a friend. Moments in my life that we wasn’t prepared for. Another way is through your emotions. I can be lonely because I fear being humiliated or because I am forgetful at times. Sometimes loneliness can arise because of sin and disobedience. The fact is, when we look at life and at humanity, every single person experiences loneliness. It’s a human condition. It’s human to feel lonely, and it’s never an indication that you are different, although at times when we experience loneliness, it causes us to draw back or hide, and it makes us believe that we’re alone in this moment.
“Loneliness can be defined as a pain in our heart that is caused by some kind of deep and overwhelming separation.”
So, how would we define it? We could start with lonliness, which is the absence of people. We get alone, and we begin to feel alone, and the emotion and feeling of being alone becomes burdensome, so we think, “I need people in my life. I need to be more social!” And we go out looking for social opportunities. At some point, that doesn’t work. We end up disconnecting ourselves in crowds, say our goodbyes, and come home, and the next thing you know, we’re laying in bed wondering why we’re still alone. But if we dig deeper, I would ask, What do we feel when we’re feeling lonely? And I would say it hurts. I feel pain. What is that pain? Could it be the pain of separation or rejection? Do you remember your first hard breakup? I do. It was a girl I was dating in high school, and during my senior year, eventually, over a long period of separation, we just broke it off and went our separate ways after I graduated. It took a long time to get over that breakup, and the pain was there; it was real. And all of my friends that I surrounded myself with desired nothing more than to console me and give me advice, and they were there for me, but none of them could take away the pain that was in my heart. None of them could heal the pain of separation, even though they were near. So, loneliness to me can be defined as a pain in our heart that is caused by some kind of deep and overwhelming separation, and a feeling of rejection.
“As John’s gospel tells us, there’s a sin issue, and sin loves darkness, so we will hide that sin and bury it as deeply as we can.”
It’s interesting to me that if loneliness stems from a pain in our hearts that is caused by separation, could that pain be caused by a spiritual issue? I think it can. If every human has experienced loneliness and has this pain of separation, then when we read Genesis chapter three, we see that every human has inherited sin through the fall. Then yes! Lonliness can be a spiritual issue. Adam and Eve’s experience with what the Bible calls “the fall,” which began in chapter three and is found in verses one through ten, The servant deceives Adam and Eve into believing that if they eat the fruit, they will not die. But what happens? The serpent wasn’t really being honest with Adam and Eve. Just like when we have a sin issue in our hearts, we’re never really honest about it, are we? We like to hide it. As John tells us, there’s a sin issue, and sin loves darkness, so we will hide that sin and bury it as deeply as we can. We’ll run from it, hide it, bury it, lock it away, throw away the key and the map to it, and try to forget it. But the pain is often still there. The shame is still there. And sometimes we think that just by finding people, being busy, or seeking material things in this world, we will eventually find the antidiufe to our pain. We never find the cure, do we? I mean in the things of this world. It only numbs our pain or hardens our hearts.
God comes into the garden seeking Adam and Eve, and they are there hiding. What they thought would be pleasure and knowledge ended up being totally different from what they had thought. Their snack led to separation, and God cursed them. Life is going to be painful. Life is going to hurt, and childbirth is going to hurt. Work is going to hurt, and you are going to hurt and groan until I come back and redeem you. and it became a reality to them in verses twenty-three and four. God banishes them from the garden, and from that day on, original sin is inherited by every child from the first generation until now. And so, this spiritual issue is revealed, and we learn that often the loneliness we experience in our hearts is not just a physical issue but an inherited issue we’ve received from our first spiritual parents. Mick Jaggar states it very plainly: When it comes to satisfaction, I try, and I try, and I try, but yet, I can’t get any satisfaction. When we have a sin issue in our hearts, just like everyone before us, we build traps, mechanisms, habits, and perspectives in our lives to numb this pain of separation.
So what does that have to do with Matthew 6:6 about prayer? Well, when we experience loneliness and the pain of separation, we also know that sin was born in every person. When it comes to prayer, we often struggle with the part where Jesus tells us to get alone with God. Every time I am alone, I shut down the TV, step away, or try to find a quiet place. I have to come face-to-face with the truth about myself. And to be honest, when I am face to face with the truth of my own self, my heart is ugly, and I notice and experience the pain of separation. I have a tendency to run away and hide and lift my loneliness above my sin. I’m covering my sin with lonliness and what the world has to offer. When we lift our loneliness above our sin issue, what we will inevitably do is begin to find everything wrong with everyone and everything else but our own hearts. We play the blame game.
If my husband or wife did this or that, I wouldn’t have to go and find intimacy with another person or with pornography. If my friends would actually care, I wouldn’t always be the bummed-out person in the group. If those people at church were actually who they say they are, then I wouldn’t feel so disconnected. If we played my kind of music and prayed the way I would want to pray or worship, or if that preacher would preach a message that was better, shorter, or whatever it is, I would actually come to church excited to worship. The blame game takes the focus off of us and puts it on everyone else, and all the blame game is is us trying to cover our own sin. The world says I am lonely because others do bad things to me; the Bible tells us I do bad things because there is a sin issue rooted deeply in my heart. The world would tell us to cover it with things and people, but the Bible says the only way to cover your sin is through the sacrifice and blood of an advocate.
You see, God doesn’t leave us trying to figure out how to get rid of the pain of loneliness. He promises a remedy, but all we need to do is receive it. Jesus bled, suffered, and died so that we no longer need to suffer the depths of sin anymore. That original sin in your heart that’s been there since birth can be rooted out in Christ. You can be free from it. That moment when you disconnect, whether intentially or by circumstance, and you’re face to face with the truth of who you are and before a holy God. Instead of running and hiding from the shame you feel, you can run into the arms of a loving God. God knows the heart. A doctor of the heart.
If true prayer is going to happen, then prayer of the heart happens when the truth of who we are encounters the truth of who God is. Isaiah 9:2 says, “The people who walk in darkness will see a great light.” In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. And John’s gospel would go on to tell us of Jesus’s conversation with Nicodemus: “For God so loved the world that he sent his one and only son, that whoever believed in him would never die but have eternal life.” You see, prayer is not only the beginning of this relationship, but it’s also the continuation of it. Prayer is the proof of grace working and being applied in our lives. I think we all need a little of that today.
But where do we begin? We begin by following a simple plan. David Platt taught that the acronym to pray is this, (P) stands for Praise, (R) stands for Repent, (A) is for Ask, and (Y) stands for Yield.
Praise, and when we recognize God’s presence, don’t run, repent.
Ask God, “God, what in my life right now, what in my life yesterday — since the last time I was here and we were together — what in my life has not been and is not now pleasing to you? Where have I turned away? Where am I prone to turn away and make my Llonmiess above my own sin… why do I want to run away from these moments alone with you? How am I not trusting your ways over my ways? How am I not trusting your ways over the ways of this world?” Pause and confess your need for God’s grace and God’s forgiveness. If we don’t do this, there will be continual distance in our relationship with God. Repentance leads to restoration of intimate relationship with God. So do this continually, daily, throughout the day as needed, particularly in this concentrated time alone in the room with God.
If you come, God will come. In all honesty, he’s already there waiting for you. That’s next weeks message. Here’s a promo,
The Nearness of God is My Good.
“But as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord GOD my refuge, That I may tell of all Your works.” Pslam 73:28
